Empty regrets

I received some news last night, and I'm still trying to process it all. It's not bad news...actually, it is good news for those involved, but my brain and heart are having a hard time getting over the shock to the system. Todd, my ex-husband, is getting married in a month. This means, to me, a few things.
1) I am very happy for him. He found someone he loves, and I can't deny how good that feels. I want him to ultimately be happy. I saw a picture of the two of them together, and it did look like they truly were in love. Congrats to them! :)

2) When I think back to our last phone conversation (short, to the point) back in August after I had broken off the relationship with Arturo, I asked Todd about the dating world. In fact, I asked him, "Are you seeing anyone right now? How's dating life treating you?" His response was something like, "I'm not seeing anyone...I'm not sure how I will handle that in time." Hmmm...if they met 6 months or so ago, then that means he did not tell me the truth. There was no reason for him to lie, so what's the point? We had both moved on obviously, why lie about it?

3) This is the hardest part for me to wrap myself around. When I found out that Todd's fiance had a son, my first thought was Great! He will be such a good dad to that little boy! Then I started thinking...Todd's finally getting the family he always wanted. A wife and a son. Something I couldn't give him. This is the part that tears me up even now. I have moved on with my life. My heart has moved on from Todd. We are not the same people we were when we were married so long ago, and I don't want that old life back, but when I think about the baby issue...this is where we struggled for so long. We tried for 8+ years to get pregnant. I couldn't do it. Now he has found THE ONE for him with a ready-made family.

Does this make me sound horrible? I do wish them nothing but the best and even texted Todd to tell him congrats. Never heard back...

Oh, well. I've moved on but felt the need to get this out of my system. The best part of having this blog is that it doesn't show judgement. :)

Carrie Underwood...she can SING!!

Last night I experienced the Carrie Underwood show. Wow...that's really all I can say. She can sing and sing and sing. I think Carrie did a better job last night live than I have ever heard her on television. Wow...

Carrie's first opening act was a group called "Sons of Sylvia." They are a brother group (reminded me of a country Jonas Brothers :)) who won a little TV show back a couple of years ago. It was supposed to be an American Idol for groups, but apparently, it never picked up.  The boys, however, could rock!

Billy Currington was the second opening act, and although I had seen him before (he opened for Sugarland last year), he put on a good show too. He sang his most popular hits--"People are Crazy", "Good Directions", and "Pretty Good at Drinking Beer". Plus he performed a couple of his newest hits from his latest album. I may have to look those up!

Finally, Carrie Underwood came out. She popped up out of the floor, of course, singing and dancing on a seat. She opened with "Cowboy Casanova" and "Quitter".

Carrie was also entertaining the audience with her stories. She talked a little about her road to American Idol and how her life changed after the show.

Carrie also sang "Some Hearts", "Wasted", and "All-American Girl". I believe she also changed 5 or 6 times throughout the concert!

Probably the best moment of the show was her performance of "Jesus Take the Wheel". In the middle of the song, she stopped and started singing "How Great Thou Art." Looking back now, I wish that had been the song I'd recorded, but it was just so good. She gave me chills and definitely brough the house down with that song. Everyone cheered and whistled after that performance!

During the songs "Country Roads" (a John Denver cover) and "This Time", Carrie rode around on the back of a blue pickup. This was her time to get closer to the people like me--us in the back and sides who want a better view.

Carrie also brought the Grand Ole Opry from Nashville here to KC. She sang the duet "I Told You So" with video images of Randy Travis. That was a pretty cool moment, not only because I like that song, but how their two voices sounded together, even with just video recording of Randy Travis.

Carrie ended the show with two great ones--"Mama's Song" and "Last Name". During "Mama's Song", pictures of her wedding flashed on the screen behind her. I couldn't see them very well since I was sitting off to the side, but I knew that's what they were. Then Carrie encouraged all of us to sing along to "Last Name", and of course, I did! :)

Carrie came back to sing two songs during her encore--"Before He Cheats" (another one I sang every word!) and "Songs Like This".

This is Louis, my date for the evening. We are taking it slow and seeing where things go. I like him and think he is sweet. He is also really good with Soze, so he just earned double bonus points with me! :)