I received some news last night, and I'm still trying to process it all. It's not bad news...actually, it is good news for those involved, but my brain and heart are having a hard time getting over the shock to the system. Todd, my ex-husband, is getting married in a month. This means, to me, a few things.
1) I am very happy for him. He found someone he loves, and I can't deny how good that feels. I want him to ultimately be happy. I saw a picture of the two of them together, and it did look like they truly were in love. Congrats to them! :)
2) When I think back to our last phone conversation (short, to the point) back in August after I had broken off the relationship with Arturo, I asked Todd about the dating world. In fact, I asked him, "Are you seeing anyone right now? How's dating life treating you?" His response was something like, "I'm not seeing anyone...I'm not sure how I will handle that in time." Hmmm...if they met 6 months or so ago, then that means he did not tell me the truth. There was no reason for him to lie, so what's the point? We had both moved on obviously, why lie about it?
3) This is the hardest part for me to wrap myself around. When I found out that Todd's fiance had a son, my first thought was Great! He will be such a good dad to that little boy! Then I started thinking...Todd's finally getting the family he always wanted. A wife and a son. Something I couldn't give him. This is the part that tears me up even now. I have moved on with my life. My heart has moved on from Todd. We are not the same people we were when we were married so long ago, and I don't want that old life back, but when I think about the baby issue...this is where we struggled for so long. We tried for 8+ years to get pregnant. I couldn't do it. Now he has found THE ONE for him with a ready-made family.
Does this make me sound horrible? I do wish them nothing but the best and even texted Todd to tell him congrats. Never heard back...
Oh, well. I've moved on but felt the need to get this out of my system. The best part of having this blog is that it doesn't show judgement. :)
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3 comments:
100% completely natural feelings. All of them. I love you!
Natural, valid emotions (well-worded I might add). You are sincere in your best wishes and you have moved on to bigger, better things yourself. It's natural to look back, to pull out old questions, but I've always admired your ability to steadfastly move forward. To honestly put your feelings out there, deal with them and keep trucking. You're looking great, doing fun things and living life. Keep it up...Much love.
Thank you both so much. I had my moments today, but talking things out has helped. Now it's just time to put my big girl panties on, and keep on truckin'! :)
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