How do you get over someone when you were the one who broke his heart? I have the constant urge to call him because I have talked to him every day for the past 5 1/2 months. How do you quit someone cold turkey? Apparently I'm not very good at it because I think of Arturo every day and pretty much every moment of every day. I would have spent the rest of my life with Arturo, and spent it happily, would it not have been for this one deal-breaker. It was something I just can't get past, no matter how much love is in my heart. I know it hurts both of us now, but I also know time will heal our wounds. Since there's no speeding up time, I have to deal with my pain the only way I know how--by sharing it and getting it out of my system.
Did I feel this badly when Joon and I parted ways? I knew then that there was nothing I could do to salvalge that relationship, but this one was all on me--it was my idea to end us. I was something I had wrestled with for a month or so until it festered in my mind and I had to make a final decision. No more wishy-washy. Now I have to live with my choice and know I hurt more than just me and him in the process.
Fight the temptation to call. Fight the temptation to call him and ask him to take me back. Fight the temptation to just say that I can ignore the deal-breaker and live the rest of my life always questioning and worrying about us. I cannot do that to myself or Arturo, or one day wake up and regret the life I chose. I know that about me, and I just can't live my life that way. I wish I could because it would be the easy way out now, but I'm trying to look ahead for my future. Call me selfish, but this is what I have to do for me. Sorry for me. So incredibly sorry for you.
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8 years ago
3 comments:
I'm proud of you for choosing you. Not many people do that. It's a hard road, but hopefully a happier one.
If you need support or want to support someone else ;) I'm always a phone call/text/email away.
This is rough, April...but you seem to know your heart and it must feel slightly better for you to have made a decision and left the up-in-the-air-wondering behind. Hope time softens the pain for you...it usually does?
Thanks to you both. While it was extremely rough last week, I'm actually feeling better. Being back in the swing of things at school is helping, but also just realizing that I did this for me and my future. I'm taking a break from boys for now... spend some time with my friends and me. :)
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