New day

Well, I know it's been a while since I've last posted and some of you are beginning to worry about me due to the last blog topic. Things haven't changed much--Todd's still at his parents and Soze and I are here at home. I have talked to Todd a few times and we even met for lunch yesterday to discuss "us". However, at this time, we are still moving forward with our separation. I know it is the best thing for me. We both made our own decisions and must live the consequences. Yes, I've had my good days and bad days. My emotions are definitely are on the rollercoaster path--up one day, down the next. Even though this is my blog and I can say whatever I want, I will say that I am trying my best to edit myself. I don't want Todd to be hurt by something I might say. Yes, I know, I am being nice. That's me! That's also the reason my blogs may be a little cryptic--I'm trying to say what I need to say without hurting anyone in the process.

On to a better topic--I went with some other teachers to see "Twilight" on Friday afternoon. Since I have read the book, or more appropriately, been obsessed with the book, I thought it was really good. Every time Edward was on the screen, my heart pitter-pattered in harmony with his stone heart. Even Jacob, whom I didn't really care for that much in the books, was FINE!! I am curious to see how his character is played in future movies. I will definitely be owning this movie, maybe not for the Oscar-winning performances, but for the eye candy!

Like my friend Kodi, I cannot believe Thanksgiving is here already! We go to school two days this week, then I am off to Springfield to spend some much-needed time with my mom. While I am down there, I am also having a homemade Thanksgiving at Kodi's house. Kodi, I am ready for that Paula Deen apple pie!

**Note: Soze does NOT like me on the computer right now. She is trying her hardest to get me to get out of the chair. She has even tried climbing in my lap for attention! She has de-gutted a mouse toy and wants to me to throw it in the air so she can catch it. Since she's old, her energy level never last very long--a few throws and she's done. I think she knows something is up and will not let me out of her sight. If I'm in the office, she's in the office. If I'm sitting on the couch, she's laying beside me on the couch. I love her for it!!!

I haven't taken pictures of much lately, so I'll close by saying that I plan on having pictures for my next blog after Thanksgiving.

Change...again

Do you remember me saying back in January that my new word for this year would be "change"? Well, my life is changing again. On Saturday, my world was turned upside down, and yesterday it was flipped inside out. There is just no easy way to say this, so I am just going to bite the big one and say it: Todd and I are getting a divorce. Divorce. This word is one that I never thought would enter my own vocabulary, yet here I am. I have no idea what I am going to do next. Will I be able to afford our brand new house? Will I move back to Springfield? I have no earthly idea. I told Todd I was not going to badmouth him all over town, and I guess that includes on here too. We both know what happened and there is nothing that can be done to take it back now.

Right now I am more saddened than anything. Not at me really, but at this whole situation. I know what I will be missing out on as a divorced woman. I'll miss having someone to go out to eat, go to a football game, watch movies, and when I think of all of the scrapbooks filled with memories, it saddens me even more. Todd was my best friend--not just my husband but my best friend. He was someone I could tell anything and everything to. What the hell happened? Whatever it was is gone. How did my life become this...this what I don't know. I'm sorry if it looks like I'm rambling. I probably am just to get all of this out there.

I have only cried twice really over this mess, which is very unusual for me. I am a crier. I cried once last night for about two minutes, letting myself dwell in the moment, then I was done. Then I cried this morning when I told my friend Lindsey at school. She couldn't believe that I was even at school today. I knew if I sat at home, I would think of nothing else all day long. At least at school, my kiddos take my mind off of the "real world".

I also slept pretty well last night, suprisingly. I didn't think I would, but maybe that's a sign that this is going to be okay. I will be fine. I will make it through whatever God has in store for me. Let me end by saying thank you for allowing me to get this off of my chest and out of my mind at least for the moment. It won't last forever, and I know that. I am not bitter. I am not hateful. I am just saddened and ready to move on with my life.

ETA: Okay, I lied. I think the shock is b.e.g.i.n.n.i.n.g. to wear off of what has become my life, and it is affecting me more than I knew. I just think that the finality of my decision to divorce is hitting me, not that our marriage hadn't already ended. It had. I have been so hurt, and maybe I was oblivious to what was happening right in front of me, but I do know I don't deserve this. Damn it! I don't deserve this!! What makes us do the things we do? While I can't answer that for Todd, I can answer part of it for me. I am doing this for myself. I will not live the rest of my life and marriage always wondering "what's going on?". I will not do that to myself. I am a much stronger and independent woman than I was when I married Todd at 20. I respect myself too much and I know I will learn so much more about myself as I go through this process. I am learning already that it will be a process. This is not something that I can flip on/off like a switch. My marriage is over. I am moving on for myself, not for anyone else.

One year ago...

On this date, one year ago, my life changed. My dad left this world to be with his Heavenly Father. This news bit me today as I was walking out of the school building. I hadn't even thought of today's date because I was at school all day long in a pull-out session for grading our common assessment. When I walked outside, I checked my watch and noticed the date read "6". November 6th...why does this date sound familiar? Then it hit me--my dad has been dead for a year. A YEAR?!? I still can't believe it has been this long, and I have done no scrapbooking yet about this event. I just can't bring myself to do it. I know I made my brother one for Christmas, but it was a gift to him. For some reason, I don't want to make one for me. I mean I do, I just don't want to. Does that make sense? I know the pictures are downstairs waiting for me, and I know I will do it eventually, but.... Needless to say, since I haven't scrapbooked this "stuff" yet, I have also put on hold any events that have taken place since then--no Thanksgiving of last year, Christmas, my birthday, whatever. To close, I'll add a picture of my dad that always makes me laugh. I know he's up in Heaven, fishing with Angie (my sister). Here's to you, Dad!

Books galore

Since my last post, quite a bit has gone on, but nothing that I thought deserved a MAIN post because who really wants to read about school? It seems that's the only thing in my life right now. Let's see... since my last post, my mom has come to visit. We had a great time shopping and eating! Of course, she loved seeing and spending time with her granddog, Soze, more than she actually did us. That's okay--anything to get her up here!

I have read three (and almost four!) books in the last month. My reading seems to go in shifts. I will go forever without really reading an entire book, but since I force my kids to read on a regular schedule, it also forces me to read with them. I have read Eat Pray Love, a book about finding yourself when all hope is gone.

This memoir by Elizabeth Gilbert was beautifully written, although to me, the middle dragged a bit. It's a true story of her year-long purge after a divorce. She travels to Italy (EAT), then to India and lives in an ashram (PRAY), and finally makes her way to Ubud, Bali where she meets the man who becomes her husband (LOVE). Like I said, this book was fantastic and I know the author has been on Oprah. I need to search Youtube and find the clip! When I went to the author's website for a picture of the book, I noticed it said that the movie rights had been sold for a film to star Julia Roberts. I thought I was going to fall out of my chair when I read that! The entire time I was reading this book, the woman in my mind looked just like Julia! I'm still in shock--those things never work out!

My next literary venture was the newest Nicholas Sparks novel, The Lucky One. Those that know me know that Sparks is my all-time favorite "chug down a book" guy. He's one that I can read in a weekend and be totally satisfied. This newest book did not dissappoint. I'll admit that this was the first one that did not make me cry, but I think it was because I had cried so much seeing "Nights in Rodanthe", his newest movie, that I was all cried out. Plus, this book held so much more action at the end than his usual ones do that I was surprised by the ending. This one was totally unpredictable for me!

Once I finished The Lucky One, I finally got my hands on Twilight. OH MY GOD!!!! I know the kids, mostly girls, have been reading this series like crazy, and I used to think, "eh, how good can it be? It's about VAMPIRES, for crying out loud!" Well, the Twilight craze has caught up to me. Once I started reading about Bella and Edward, which by the way, Isabella is now my new favorite baby girl name, I just couldn't stop. I literally could not put the book down! I was reading in class while the kids were reading, I was reading in the car while I was stopped at a red light, and I read it home until I finished. I think I read the book in 3 days. Now I have started New Moon and will continue this series until I'm spent. It is killing me to know what happens!!!! Funny as it may sound for those who haven't read it yet, I totally want the chick to become a vampire just so the two who were MEANT to be together can actually be together. I know--this is what my life has become! I'm rooting for vampires!! Not only that, but I have told Todd (I gave him no options on this one--thanks Hon!) that he and I will be at the movie theater when "Twilight" opens November 21st. No ifs, ands, or buts. I have only seen the trailer once, but I don't care. I will be there, and I just hope that the powers that be have done the book justice. I'm sure I'll blog more about my addiction to this series as I read. If not, I'll wait until I'm finished and then give you the low-down. I plan to be finished with the series by the movie's release. I don't think that will be too difficult considering it's been 4 days now, and I'm in the middle of book two.

Victory and Defeat

Last Sunday Todd and I, along with his good friend Jeff from Springfield, went to our very first pro football game. As you can tell from the picture above, our seats were WAY up in the top section, but they actually turned out to be pretty good. Aside from the people sitting around us, the seats were great! We could see all of the action, and with the use of our zoom lens, were able to get some decent shots. This is a picture of the two of us near the end of the game. I had told Todd to get us tickets for a game when it wouldn't be too cold, and I think God took me too literally in that request. It was HOT!!! We were all sweating and melting into each other by the end!

The Chiefs had been on a losing streak since oh...December of LAST year (I'm not sure it's been that bad, but it has been pretty dang sad.). Guess what?? The game we see--the Chiefs WIN!!! I told Todd maybe we needed to go see every home game to ensure they win every time. I don't think he bought it.

I just had to take this next picture for Todd's friend Jeff. The Chiefs were playing the Denver Broncos and Jeff is a HUGE Broncos fan! I thought this guy was just too funny to pass up.

During the game, we also had some entertainment besides the plays on the field. We were sitting directly in front of a row of Denver fans, and of course, directly behind them was a guy who is a poster-child for contraceptives and alcohol-free events. This guy kept egging on the Denver fans, but he just wouldn't ever quit. It got so bad at one point that someone called the security on him. He left but was let back in. Not two seconds after he came back, the real security police came by and escorted him out. We clapped as he was leaving! See ya!

Todd and I both really enjoyed having Jeff up here as a houseguest. We'll take all of you someday (just not all at once!).On a different note, I have spent the last 3 days at home sick. It started Tuesday or Wednesday with just slight sinus trouble, but by Wednesday night, I couldn't breathe, lay down without coughing, and on top of it all, I had a fever. I didn't want to miss work because I know I don't have many sick days since I am new to the district, but there was no way I was going to be able to function. I spent Thursday and Friday laying on the couch, watching TV and sleeping. I did end up going to Urgent Care for meds yesterday, but so far, they have not really kicked in. Today I woke up to even more trouble with coughing so hard that I threw up--TWICE. Not fun in the least! I am desperately hoping to be better tomorrow and I'm sure I'll be better by Monday. Hopefully the meds will do their job by then! I'm sure you all had a better week than I did. I'm hoping next week will be better for me!

Comedy Club Central

Last night Todd and I experienced our very first comedy club. Man, what have we be missing?? I use the word experienced because it truly was just that. We didn't "go" to a comedy club; we didn't "attend" a comedy club; it was definitely an "experience." Todd won tickets to the show from JACK FM radio station, and since we had wanted to go for a while, we thought it would make a great evening. It was a FABULOUS evening--I laughed so hard at some points that tears were streaming down my face! Craig Gass was the headliner comedien, and he was freakin' awesome!
Craig has done so many national stuff--he's roasted Gene Simmons and Tommy Lee on Comedy Central, co-hosted Howard Stern (he's still the sound guy on Howard Stern), does so many impressions, but I know him mainly as Miranda's Weight Watcher-donut-loving boyfriend in an episode of "Sex and the City."

Craig's show is DEFINITELY R-rated and is not suitable for children of any age or adults who easily get offended. His impressions were uncanny--Al Pacino, Sam Kinison, Adam Sandler, Christopher Walken (the best I think), and Tracey Morgan.

I gotta run because we are meeting Todd's parents for dinner, but if you ever get a chance to see this guy in action, go do it. Just leave your children and morals at home!

Basement Part 1

When I looked at the last date I had updated this blog, I couldn't believe it!! Has it really been three weeks? I've been in school now for three weeks and yes, reality is kicking my butt. I'm at school from 6:50 or so in the morning until 4:30 or 5:00 in the evening. I come home, eat dinner, veg, and go to bed by 9:00. That's not a life I'm used to by any means. Where did my summer go? I miss those days...The only time now I'm even on the computer is on the weekend. When I check my email now, instead of having 15 messages to scroll through, I have 136. I have a week of reading through my Soapzone message board, plus reading all the blog updates from my friends. Who knew reality would be so cruel?? :)

My mom came up to see us last weekend. I was so happy she was able to make it before her original visit date in October. She had not seen our house since it was empty, and we spent the weekend painting way back even before we moved in. Now our upstairs is 99% finished, and the basement is 50% finished. We (including Todd's parents) worked extremely hard to get Todd's "man cave" and my scrapbook room finished before Mom came to see us. I wanted to surprise her with it. These are pictures of my scrapbook room. It's decorated completely in Disney, of course, and the only real thing missing from it right now is a small TV that I want mounted on on of the walls. Christmas Mom???

The black file against the wall is my 12x12 paper holder. It's one of the best things I have purchased for my scrapbook room for organization. Each color or theme has its own slot. When I want paper, it's just a reach away!

The table is usually not so cluttered. I have to be able to spread out, right?? For now, anything that doesn't have an exact place is just laying on the table. I'll fix that when I start working down there.
This white shelf contains all of my scrapbooking magazines for ideas, paper towels for clean up (those darn stamps!), my stock of CM scrapbook pages (I still have one more CM album to finish.), plus my current pictures to put in albums.

The bottom white drawers hold bulk pictures/memorabilia that I either need to put in albums or extras that have already been finished. The red shelf is mainly for Disney decorations, but I do have my sticker supply on the bottom shelf. Since I don't use those as much anymore, it'll do.

I love the quote Todd put on my scrapbooking walls in red vinyl: "I only hope we don't lose of one thing--that it was all started by a mouse." --Walt Disney

These are pictures of Todd's Man Cave. I love how we did the Red/White/Black sections on each wall. I'm sure you all know where these colors came from--Nebraska Huskers!!

We just bought a coffee table yesterday at Target for this room. I think it will be really cool--it's square with holes in the middle for baskets. We bought two red baskets to put in it, and Todd will fill the other spaces with his sports books and video game magazines.

Well, hopefully I will get back on here before another three weeks are up. If not, you'll know why!